Year Of Mastering: Junior year 2019-2020
Autumn 2019
Sometimes I wonder, why did time pass so fast, that is, I am already a junior student who should consider my next step: find a job or go to graduate school. I still remember that several months ago, when I came back from home, US custom police asked me what year I am. "I am a junior student," responded by me with a smile. He replied with a smile and asked, "feel excited about getting out of school?" I stunned, but soon give him my answer, "yes, sir." However, what's really in my mind is confusion — confused about my next step, confused about my future.
In the autumn quarter, I only take three courses that count to 12 credits. I originally planned to take 17 credits but dropped one after I heard that there is an "autumn recruitment." The three courses are all from the CSE department that extends my knowledge in the field of computer science. 332 continued my understanding of algorithms, where 351 taught me more about hardware. 344, in the other way, taught me more about database management systems. Even though I only take three courses, I was not that free as I expected. A single weekly assignment took about 6 – 9 hours to finish, and the appearance of a bug is more time-consuming. I learned from my friend that "debugging is emotional," and I validate this "theory" several times during this quarter.
Besides studying, I was always wondering what I am learning. Without reviewing, some things can be forgotten fast. The Applied math stuff I learned last year from Amath 352 is almost gone. Even though I remember some parts of it, it can hardly be used during interviews. Courses like physics 12X series are useful if I want to extend a career in the field of physics, but the basic knowledge it taught can hardly be used as a skill for applying for a job. With this idea, my focus was no longer more about the grades. It's about the skills that I can use in my career.
The confusion extends even farther after the career fair. After the fair, I was like many others, waiting for responses. When my friends get interviews, I am still waiting. When my friends got acceptations, I am still waiting. The feeling was much more complicated than I expected. Rejection is not fearsome, but waiting is. I applied some of the internships last year, so I know what it means to be waiting. The confidence I had during the fair was much more converted to hope, then despair. It becomes even worse when my parents encouraged me with, "It's easy for your major to find a job." I guess this is a step I must experience, but I hope this is the last time I experience this feeling.
What happened in 2019 stays in 2019, in the new year I hope I can keep moving forward, and don't feel regret for anything that I have done during my junior year.
The resume workshop at CSE building
A picture shot before the final starts. "The rubber duck is a subclass of duck so it barks"
One night at Gas Work Park
Winter 2020
This winter quarter is unprecedented. Even though I was still taking 17 credits to graduate on time, I know the quarter was ended when all my final exams were canceled due to the coronavirus. Compared to other winter quarters, this quarter seems to be okay to me when I only took one CSE course. After I realize that my room is not a place for studying, I went to the libraries and labs to finish all my homework before heading home. When my schedule was adjusted in such a way, I feel fulfilled and, sort of, satisfied coming up such plans.
In this quarter, I took a step ahead towards the graduation requirement. I finished Phys 123, the waves and heat. Though I don’t enjoy the physics series, I like Professor Tolich and his way of teaching. I was lucky when I only missed one problem on the midterm and ended up getting a good grade on this course. Another course I took was Math 381, the discrete modeling class where we learned LP solve, Markov chain, Monte Carlo, and so on. Though I like the professor, our projects didn’t go well when some of our group mates did not attend the meetings. The only CSE class I took was CSE 312, the fundamentals of computer science, or, the probability class. It was like a review for me, but counting can be hard to compute. Luckily, our professor was passionate about the materials, and this is his last quarter of teaching before retirement. He didn’t push us too far on the exams. The last course I took was the Honor humanity course about prisons. Though I learned a lot about the human rights issues inside the prison, writing an essay for the humanity class seems to be solely standing on the moral high ground and say the right words. How do we define “right”? In the United States, it is anti-racism, pro-democratic, and pro-equality.
Though the winter quarter sounds fulfilled, I sometimes wonder if the materials I learned would help me get a job. Like previous quarters, I have taken many courses that do cover various aspects of their fields. But, without immediate practicing what I have learned, they can be easily forgotten. For example, when I took CSE 312, it reminds me of STAT 390 and an interesting old guy named Caren Marzban. I didn’t throw away the notes since it covered various methods of statistical analysis, but when I opened up my notes again, it feels like I have never taken this course. The same thing happened during the interview process when the HR asked me theoretical questions about database management systems. I knew I learned this during the course, but I just cannot answer the questions correctly.
The despair extends farther when I realize that I will not get an internship this summer. When all my friends got internships, I was worried about my future. The worry comes true when I did not receive even a single one of the acceptance letter from the companies by the end of the winter quarter. I applied to TA roles and didn’t get any responses. I also applied to a research project, and I was rejected before the scheduled interview. I was always proud of my grades, my major, and what I have accomplished, but such failure simply blows them off. The sense of despair was even more significant than the fear of the coronavirus, and I couldn’t talk any of these to my parents. Such talk would only increase their worries, and they cannot help me on the other side of the earth.
In the spring quarter, I hope everything will get better, and this is my only wish for the quarter.
Phys labs about cameras
A snow without snowdays
On the way "home"
Spring 2020
The spring quarter was probably the weirdest quarter I have ever experienced. The courses were taught remotely, so some of my friends went home before the quarter started. Since we can get credits without taking exams, this quarter seems much more relaxing, and all we need to worry about is finishing assignments on time.
After realizing that I cannot concentrate on studying at home, I decided to take only three courses that barely reached the 12-credit requirement. Two of them came from the CSE department, and one came from the honors program. CSE 421 is a course about algorithms. Though I was not good at algorithms, I know this is a crucial factor in interviews. The class seems okay in the first half of the quarter; then it suddenly went out of my scope. Though I can understand what algorithms do once they are written, designing them from scratch became a pain. I plan to get more practice on Leetcode in summer so I might be a better programmer. CSE 333 is a course about system programming, that is, C and C++. I was told that exams are hard, but we did not have any, so this is a course I enjoyed. The only regret I had about the course is that there is so much in those languages that we did not have time to cover them all. Even though I got a 3.9 in this course, I will not call myself an expert in those languages. I might also forget grammar if I do not use them regularly. The last course I had is Honors 232, a social science class about American Foreign Policy. As an international student, I was aware that I might not be a legit commenter. However, Professor Bessner was incredibly open to opinions. He did not agree or disagree with any comments; instead, he proposes questions to these speeches. Though we might not answer those questions, it led us to think deeper about national issues.
At the end of the quarter, we have experienced a “black lives matter” movement. It is not the first time I experienced such a protest. When I was a high school student in St. Louis, our school was closed due to the death of Michael Brown. However, racial discrimination still exists even after all these years. It is great to see people are still fighting for such inequalities, but they are not solving the root problems. The protest is a means of catharsis. If the issues are not resolved, we will witness another one soon in the future.
Though the coronavirus strongly impacted the quarter, we successfully transit into online educations. However, I still felt worried about the future. I cannot decide between staying in school and earn a master’s degree or go out and find a job. Due to the lack of internship experience, I doubt that I can find a suitable job. After all the confusion for not finding an internship, I feel exhausted. Maybe it is time for a break amid the pandemic, but there is no time for resting. I hope I will not waste my time in the summer and see you all in autumn.
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Cooking At Home
My friend's online graduation ceremony